Our Christmas Tree Looks Rubbish

Well Christmas is here again. As usual Hub’s contribution has been zero. He seems to take the opportunity at this time of year to celebrate as much as possible whilst making the minimum amount of effort to do the things that make this family time of year special. He has to be fair, bought his own family presents (only because if he left it to me they wouldn’t get anything!). They will be receiving books from Amazon and chocolates from Thornton’s – exactly the same as last year, and the year before that, and the year before that!!!!). I doubt if he actually knows what we have bought our children.

Back to the celebrating. Last night he went out with his “keep fat friends”. A bunch of old codgers who are still trying to play football every Thursday. He set off with the sole intention of getting hammered - why do men have to do that? Meanwhile I was cleaning up sick at 11.30pm. Ben had puked at the top end of his bed, then moved to the bottom end and threw up again. He then went for the treble and chucked all over his bedroom floor. Another man in the making. Neither my daughter or I have ever been sick anywhere other than the toilet or a “found in plenty of time” bucket.

This morning, hub was obviously unable to get out of bed because of the state he had got himself in the night before, so I flew around like a lunatic washing more sick covered items (my dressing gown included) and getting 4 kids dressed and fed so we could all troop to Caitlin’s horse riding lesson. After that we got petrol, bought a Christmas tree and visited the leisure centre to resolve the problem of Ben’s new football session clashing with the swimming lesson. I dragged the 6 foot Christmas tree out of the car down the steps and weight lifted it into the house. Carl then looked for a round of applause because he had managed to get out of bed, stick Ben’s mattress on the trampoline!!!! And volunteered to take the dog for a walk.

Later this afternoon Carl has gone off to watch Manchester City (another Christmas treat to himself, although he takes Ben to make it look like he is spending quality time with ONE of his children). Caitlin and I have been left to sort the Christmas decorations. We have untangled lights (of course one set no longer work), put the baubles on and added the tinsel. I had a daft idea that Ewan and Joseph would really enjoy helping. Ewan did – he armed himself with a Christmas cracker and started wacking the tree, destroying several baubles in the process! After dispatching Ewan and Joseph to bed, Caitlin and I eyed our handy work – it looks rubbish. Other people's Christmas trees look really professional and adult like. Mine looks like it has been styled by an unartistic mother and her six year old daughter and finished off by being whacked with a Christmas cracker!

We did eventually see the funny side and collapsed with laughter. Poor Caitlin as I write, is desperately trying to make it look better – I fear she has inherited my artistic talents. I have promised to take her to the garden centre tomorrow to seek inspiration and invest in some new baubles and a proper fairy (the one we have is made of a toilet roll and a snapped in half CD, Carl made it and I used to think it was sweet – those were the days before we had kids when he helped with the decorations!)

Oh well, off to make a hash of putting up the really badly made Christmas paper chains – last years’ effort.